Can we live our lives, without any, or without too many expectations? Seems impossible. Every human being lives life, filled with expectations and hopes, for a better tomorrow. It is a rare individual who is completely satisfied with life, as it exists at the present moment. All of us are constantly unhappy or dissatisfied with some aspect of our lives. Some ( or most) of us want to improve our current status and hence want more money, more assets, better relationships, a better physical structure than what we possess, more good looks or beauty, more success for our children, a longer life, an absence of disease, more peace and harmony....the list is endless. It is seldom that we come across someone who would say "I am extremely happy with life as it exists for me today. Let life continue in its own way, I shall flow along with it".
Why do expectations arise? Why are most of us not satisfied with what life or existence has given us? It has been said that 'Hope springs eternal in the human breast'. The very existence of human beings is hinged on hope. Without hope and expectations, life would be so meaningless, so frustrating, so purposeless, so dead, we feel. Expectations or hopes keep arising, for a better self, a better tomorrow, because we, human beings are programmed to seek something more than what we already possess. In a sense, human beings rarely accept themselves or their circumstances, as they are. Every human being is in the process of changing either himself/herself, or those around us, or the circumstances and environment in which we live. The idea behind such expectation is that once the change is effected, once we get what we are hoping for---money, name, fame, health, harmony---whatever it may be, life will be happier and more peaceful. Nothing wrong with this line of thinking, except that the in built mechanisms of our mind make this a good theoritical exercise, but one that does not satisfy us for long, in reality.
When we don't accept ourselves and our circumstances as they are, we crave and hope for change. This craving or hoping for change is our biggest tool for a better future, but, by its very nature, also is self destructive. This craving, hope or expectation that all of us carry in our minds, seems to have endless energy, so that, even when what we want has been achieved---more money, a better job, improved relationships, weight loss---this energy of wanting or expecting does not die out. This energy remains, perhaps a little stronger because now we have achieved what we sought, and keeps on urging and pushing us, for more and more. So, as we can see, the very tool which helps us improve ourselves and our circumstances, should ideally cease or rest after the achievement has happened. It should take a break, at least for an extended period of time. Unfortunately, the mechanism in our minds that is responsible for expecting, for wanting something better, never settles down, never loses steam. For example, when there is no rainfall in any one year, we pray and wish for lots of rain. Let us assume that our prayers are heard and are answered, The skies open up and there is plenty of rainfall. Once the required or ideal rainfall targets are met, we want the rain to stop, so that we can enjoy the benefits of the rainfall. But, like our expecting brains, the mechanisms responsible for the rains refuses to stop, and we see that often, it continues to rain much more than needed. This, of course, leads to damage, destruction, floods, cyclones, and a tremendous loss of life and property. In a similar vein, there seems to be an absence of a "stop" or "pause" button in our minds, which can put an end to the mechanism that raises hopes or expectations, even when our original expectations are fulfilled.
As and when our expectations are fulfilled, we seem to be happy, for some time. Once the novelty of the achievement wears off, the expectation mechanism, which has been lying low for a short time, kicks in, and starts sending our more 'want' messages. Whatever we have, at the current moment, is not taken for granted, and fails to make us happy or satisfied. If I have bought a swanky car, within a month or two, the happiness of the car starts to dull, and my mind is already in the "expecting' mode, wanting something else, which I don't have or possess. In most of us, this process goes on, life long. Even old people, who have seen it all, done it all, have plenty of expectations. "I hope I don't fall sick", "I hope I don't become bed-ridden", "I hope inflation does not make me poor", "I hope my son/daughter/grandchildren would give me more time/respect/money/attention", "I hope I have a peaceful death" or "I hope God is kind to me in the end" and "I hope my children are near me, when I die". This tendency or habit of expecting things never ends, literally till the very end.
Life, God, or existence has laid out its plans, as per its requirements and specifications. Existence is rarely concerned about you or me. If our expectations are fulfilled, if existence or God's will coincides with our expectations, we should truly consider ourselves lucky and cherish the satisfaction. If our expectations do not match the divine will, we are obviously distressed, and will have to face a lot of frustration, misery, sorrow and depression. Existence basically does not really care about you or me. Its well laid out plans keep rolling, at their own pace and as per some master plan or blueprint to which we are not privy. If you were to look at your own life long expectations and those of others around you, it will become clear how many of these expectations are actually fulfilled or realised and how many are not. How often we have told others or others have been heard saying :I actually wanted to do this, but it never happened", or "We actually wanted a son, but got a daughter", or "We wanted our son to be a doctor, but he was just not interested in medicine", or "I wanted my wife to treat my parents well, but that never happened", or "I always wanted to buy a huge flat or bunglow, but I could never afford it", and so on and so forth.
'Don't have expectations' is too big an advice to give someone, though it will surely prevent you from becoming unhappy. The only advice worth following is to sit back and think at the end of every day----how much of what I wanted or expected really happened, and how much did not? Slowly, over many days or months, it will become clear that there is very little of what we want or expect that really happens. Life proceeds in its own fashion, making us happy sometimes, sad at other times. We cannot manipulate life; it is life that governs us. Once we are able to see that very little in life proceeds according to our will or expectations, it is possible that we will start having less and less expectations, and will feel greatful and have gratitude for what we have today, instead of dreaming of a better tomorrow, which might come, or might not come.
Life your life with a thanks on your lips, with gratitude, do what you feel is necessary in life, but keep your expectations to a minimum, for then life will be simpler. By having more expectations, life only gets more stressful and complicated, unless you are one of the few 'chosen' ones, to whom God or existence listens to everytime. And even if you are a chosen one, don't forget to say thanks.
